Chapter 2 -- First glimpse

August 27
Got a call today.

Heather said they got word there might be a pair of twins available in October. Healthy infants. Boy/girl. From the northern reaches of Russia. A 2-hour plane ride from Moscow.

I don’t know what to think, what to feel. I need to keep a level head. I need to remember this may not work out. So hard.
At the same time, I can’t stop thinking how perfect it would be – a boy and a girl. We’ve already decided on Nicholas for a boy. Nicholas and Elena? Or Sasha? Or Anna?

September 2
Want to allow myself to imagine you out there. It must be almost morning there. You’re in your crib. Both of you. Do you share a crib? Or are you in two cribs sitting side-by-side.

I so much wanted to go shopping today. I want to buy clothes, diapers, bedding, decorations. But I can’t. Not until we’re sure.

I tried to get Mike talking the what if’s, the imagine that. But he won’t. He seems even more afraid than I am.

September 4
Still haven’t heard anything more. Are the twins still available? Or has a Russian family stepped in to claim them for themselves?

I am starting to get scared. What are we going to do after the adoption, but before we can fly home? For some period of time we’ll be alone in a hotel room with two children we just met. But we won’t have a clue what we should do. And we won’t be able to ask anyone – we won’t speak the language. We won’t know anything.

September 24
Friday it will be a month since we got the first call. We’ve been fairly patient. And I feel like I’m keeping somewhat grounded, mostly because the kids don’t seem real to me yet. But I want to buy things. I want them to be real.

September 25
Heather from our agency called. Says we should have information by the second week of October. That’s just two and a half weeks from now. Of course, it could always be delayed. But exciting is to know that the twins are still available.

October 2
Part of me wonders what’s taking so long. I mean, our twins right now are living in an orphanage. Certainly we could give them more if they were here, with us. But no. Instead we wait.

October3
Agency called today. Official referral is now delayed until the end of the month. So frustrating. But there’s nothing we can do. So much of this process – actually nearly all of this process – is entirely out of our control.

October 17
What is having a child really about – physically bringing a child into this world or making a life happy, secure, the best it can be?

Understand that in this region of Russia children move from the baby home to the older children’s home when they are 4-years-old. In the baby home odds are 50-50 they’ll be adopted, given a loving home and loving parents. Once they move to the older children’s home chances drop to 1 in 10. Can you imagine that birthday party? Can you imagine being 4, or even in the months before turning 4, you have no idea the future is so bleak.

October 18
Saw an interesting piece on TV last night. Barbara Walters and her adopted daughter. “Some mommies have babies from their tummies, other mommies have babies from their hearts.” Such a beautiful thought. My baby is growing in my heart right now.

October 30
Amazed at the generosity of strangers.

First an acquaintance brought me four new toys to donate to the orphanage. She adopted her two daughters, and together they wanted to help out.

Two of her friends, people we don’t even know, also wanted to donate. One gave a half dozen or so packages of bandages, vitamins, cotton balls. The other pitched in a trash bag full of gently used clothing – including the cotton knit cap her newborn came home from the hospital wearing.

“It’s not doing us any good, and I know it’s very cold over there,” she said.

Then when I got home tonight I found three huge boxes of clothing from a major children’s retailer sitting on our front step.

A month or two ago I wrote away to 20, 30, 40 companies seeking donations. I hoped some would be able to donate one or two items. Only one company though said yes. But what amazed me was the magnitude of the company’s generosity. Three boxes, 206 individual items. Gloves, jackets, shirts, pants, beautiful dresses.

It all makes me want to make a tradition of doing something similar with our children. Maybe that’s how we celebrate the twins Adoption Day – we do something together for less fortunate kids. There are plenty of days for gift giving and cake.

November 7
Mike and I are getting frustrated, angry. I e-mailed our agency yesterday and we still haven’t heard back. And we expected to hear something about the twins at the end of October, a week ago now.